Yes, at long last it’s time for another TV Highlight of the Week- and this time I’m here to praise BBC2’s Dragons’ Den. The show recently completed its fifth season, and whilst some may think it is wearing thin, I absolutely love it.
For those who don’t know, Dragons’ Den sees entrepreneurs enter the titular den to face five multimillionaire investors in an attempt to secure investment in their business through a compelling pitch and a usually quite healthy share in their company. Over the course of the five seasons, many entrepreneurs have tried their luck at securing investment in their invention, franchise or service, but few have succeeded- and given the ridiculousness of some of the ideas on offer, it isn’t hard to understand the Dragons’ reasons for pulling out of so many deals with the infamous “I’m out”.
The secret of Dragons’ Den success is the mix of entertainment and business it provides; for reasons even I don’t fully understand, I lap up all the business concepts with a bizarre hunger, and even though learning the basics about equity stakes, exit strategies, turnover and net profit are hardly going to earn me a degree from business school, it’s nice to think I’m learning something about it. On the other side of the equation, we have the entertainment- the pitches involving inventions that have absolutely no point, the cuts to bored expressions from the Dragons, the infamous one-liners. It may not be meant to be comedy, but all too often I cannot help laughing out loud. No, the hard time given in the Den may not be the ideal environment for every entrepreneur to flourish, but since they a) should know what the show is like by now and b) can always go down other avenues for investment, it’s hardly going to put off people who are serious about their business. And I have to admit that I even like Evan Davis’ continual stating of the obvious- it’s somehow reassuring.
Dragons’ Den: the parody
Entrepreneur John Smith enters the Den.
John Smith: Hello, I’m John Smith.
Duncan Bannatyne: I’m out.
Evan Davis: John’s pitch is off to a disastrous start- Duncan Bannatyne has just declared himself out!
John: I’m here today to pitch for an investment of £500,000 in exchange for 1% of my company. Our product is completely innovative- so much so that we are sure every household will want one, and in some cases two or three. Thank you for your time- any questions?
Evan Davis: It’s a confident pitch from John, but Deborah Meaden is still unclear as to what the product actually does.
Deborah Meaden: But what does your product actually do?
John: Er, well, anything you want it to, really.
Theo Paphitis: If I give you £500,000 of my children’s inheritance, what would you do with it?
John: I don’t know- spend it?
Evan Davis: John is facing a harsh grilling in the Den, and his answers don’t seem to be pleasing Deborah Meaden and Theo Paphitis.
Peter Jones: Can you just tell me how you got to this point? What made you come up with this?
John: Well, I watched Dragons’ Den on TV, and I figured you guys are pretty rich and wouldn’t mind giving me some money.
Peter Jones: I might have considered it if you were wearing a suit, but as it stands- I’m out.
Both Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne have declared themselves out. Only three Dragons remain, and John’s hopes of investment are slipping away; remember, he has to get all the money he’s asked for, or he’ll go away with nothing.
James Caan: Hello, I’m James. How many of these have you sold so far?
John: Well, we’re in the pre-revenue stage at the moment- I’ve browsed the webites of some distributors.
James Caan: Yes, but how many have you actually sold? Just give me a rough idea.
John: Well, it’s in the region of, er, well, none actually.
Evan Davis: John has dropped a bombshell- despite his confidence in the product, he has yet to actually sell any. This won’t go well with James Caan, who is about to pull out of the negotiation.
James Caan: The best of luck to you, but I’m out.
Evan Davis: Now three Dragons are out, and John’s only hope of investment lies with either Deborah Meaden or Theo Paphitis- but remember, if he can’t raise all of the £500,000, he’ll have to walk away with nothing.
Theo Paphitis: Okay, John, I’ll tell you where I am. Your investment opportunity is about as appealing as having a picnic on a firing range, and for that reason, I’m out.
Evan Davis: Theo Paphitis has just declared himself out- can John get an offer from Deborah Meaden.
Deborah Meaden: Well, I might be interested in making you an offer, but a 1% equity stake is ridiculously low- I’m looking at something more in the range of a 100% of this and any future companies you decide to start, plus the indentured souls of your children and your children’s children.
Evan Davis: Deborah Meaden has just made an offer, but she’s asked for a much bigger slice of the company than John is prepared to give away.
John: Well, that’s a lot more than I was prepared to give away- would you be willing to negotiate?
Deborah: Sorry, but the deal’s non-negotiable- I won’t make a return if I take a lower percentage.
John: Very well then, I accept your offer.
Evan Davis: At the last minute, John has accepted an offer from Deborah Meaden, for a whopping 100% slice of his company and the souls of his children.
John and Deborah Meaden shake hands, before John leaves the Den to be interviewed by Evan Davis.
Evan Davis: Well, things looked a bit sticky there, but you came away with a deal- are you happy?
John: It’s quite amazing, really- I just spent my whole time hoping the Dragons wouldn’t realise I was talking out of my backside, and somehow I got an offer from Deborah.
Evan: It’s a lot more of your company than you were prepared to give away, though, isn’t it?
John: Well, yes, but I’m sure things will work out somehow.
Related merchandise
Dragons’ Den seasons 1-2: Seasons 1-2 are now available to buy on DVD, and whilst the rewatch value for most won’t be great, if you want to revisit these series or catch them for the first time, then it’s convenient to be able to rent them instead of hunting around for repeats. Both seasons come with a booklet introducing the Dragons, but there are no other extras- not even the follow-up shows that were aired on BBC2.
Dragons’ Den- Success from Pitch to Profit: Accompanying the series is this 2007 book that includes backgrounds on the current Dragons plus Richard Farleigh, along with their personal take on some of the companies they invested in and why they chose to pass on others. Wrapped up with advice for aspiring entrepreneurs from Evan Davis, the book makes for interesting reading- highly recommended for fans of the show.
Anyone Can Do it: My Story: I recently finished Duncan Bannatyne’s autobiography and it made for an interesting read, combining personal stories with interesting business insights, and convincing me that I too can become a multimillionaire at some point.
Final Thoughts
It may not be perfect, but Dragons’ Den still makes for interesting viewing- give it a try sometime.
