The Great Star Trek DS9 Rewatch: Little Green Men

When Quark gets a new ship from his cousin Gaila, he decides to use it to transport Nog to Starfleet Academy – with a little contraband smuggling on the way. But a ship malfunction, combined with the unstable nature of his cargo, causes the ship to land on Earth not in 2372, but in 1947, at an army base in Roswell, New Mexico. Could it be that there really were aliens at Roswell, and that those aliens were none other than Quark, Rom and Nog?

I wasn’t particularly looking forward to having to watch this episode – not because it’s particularly poor, but just because the storyline doesn’t interest me at all. Back in the nineties, I was watching Star Trek to escape the 20th century in favour of a more fun and positive future, so, as long-time readers will know, I’ve never been a fan of time travel episodes that take us into Earth’s past. Yes, Quark is good as the Ferengi who plans to profit from an era where humans are still concerned with profit and capitalism, but other than that, it doesn’t really appeal. The army base is a dull setting, the past humans are paper thin, and the only thing we can really do is sit on our hands and wait for the inevitable moment when our protagonists find their way home.

Ferengi facts

  • Ferengi civilisation has been around longer than humand civilisation, but their rate of advancement has not been as swift.
  • The Ferengi never invented warp technology; instead they purchased it from another race. To be fair, why bother duplicating the work?
  • When a Ferengi goes out into the world, he raises his initial capital by selling off his childhood possessions.
  • Ferengi tend to keep their universal translators in their ears.

Other points

  • I presume Nog cleaned his tooth sharpener before he put it up for sale, but it was still a little unhygienic for Worf to just try it at the sale. As it turned out, it was fine, because Worf decided to buy it, but what if he had put it back?
  • Quark is interested in bartering for gold and jewels, even though these can easily be replicated.
  • Nog sells off his Pleasure Goddess of Rixx holosuite program. The Pleasure Goddess program has previously been offered by Quark to his customers – including Tiron, who passed it up in favour of getting a Major Kira program. Dax buys the program for Bashir, which is surely the same as buying one of your single friends a dildo and a porn DVD.
  • Quark’s smuggling plans seem somewhat lacking – why smuggle items into the heart of the Federation, where everything is plentiful and the rules are strictly enforced?
  • Odo finds recreating humanoid hair particularly challenging, but seems to have no problems with dog fur. At least he’ll never shed.
  • Before the translator is fixed, the humans mistake Quark for Nog’s mother. In Facets, he took on the personality of Audrid Dax, who waxed lyrical about how much she loved motherhood.

Summary – Little Green Men: Nothing to see here, it was just a weather balloon.

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