The Great Star Trek DS9 Rewatch: Our Man Bashir

Bashir has been enjoying his new James Bond inspired holosuite program, but what has thus far been a bit of escapist fun takes a more serious turn when a transporter accident leaves the bodies of other senior crew members in the program – whilst their minds are stuck in the computer. Whilst Odo, Eddington and Rom try to figure out how to rematerialise Sisko and the others correctly, Bashir must play through the program without getting any of them killed.

Compared to TNG, DS9 has kept it fairly light on the silly holodeck episodes so far, but all that changes with Our Man Bashir. That being said, you can tell that the cast had a blast playing this, and if you can put aside the silliness and the dubious framing story, it’s actually quite fun. Bashir, the geeky guy who never gets the girl, is just the person who would love to be James Bond, and at his side is Garak, whose experiences as a real spy are very different. The holodeck storyline is of course plain rip-off, homage or parody (take your pick), but actually it proceeds along at a fast enough pace that it doesn’t get tiresome. Having complained so much about episodes that didn’t have time to explore their concepts in a mere 42 minutes, it’s nice to have one where the relatively short run-time is a blessing.

Their new roles

  • Sisko becomes Dr Hippocrates Noah, a rich madman intent on destroying the world and starting over.
  • Kira becomes Anastasia Komananov, a sexy Russian agent.
  • Dax becomes Professor Honey Bare, an accomplished scientist who is nonetheless weak to Bashir’s charms.
  • Worf becomes Duchamps, a card-playing, cigar smoking associate of Dr Noah.
  • O’Brien becomes Falcon, a gun for hire.

Other points

  • DS9 gets through a fair few runabouts, but it’s nothing compared to what things are going to be like when I start logging Voyager’s use of shuttlecraft.
  • If Garak had just said “Computer, exit”, Bashir would never have stopped him in time. Thank god for loquacity.
  • Imagine if the computer had reintegrated the wrong minds with each body.
  • Why is everything so shoddily built in the Star Trek universe? It feels like there should be safeguards in place at every stage to stop things going so badly wrong.

Summary – Our man Bashir: In which Bashir gets to kiss both Kira and Dax. Lucky bastard.

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